You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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