I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
