Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
