And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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