Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize