I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
no you cant smoke seaweed
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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