you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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