yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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