He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
