she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
