Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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