I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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