Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
