Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
