She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
