Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
