He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
