Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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