I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
