Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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