Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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