My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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