He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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