I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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