Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
