ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We got so high we made milksteak
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
