She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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