About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
