just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
