she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
