dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
