I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
