I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
birth control should be required to get into college
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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