But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
