how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
