Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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