why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it's like heaven, but drunker
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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