The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
