u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just pee around me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Randomize
