He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
