let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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