put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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