I wanna passion pit in your ass
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
