I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
