I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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