Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
