She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
