and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
