Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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