Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
