I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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