I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
