Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
