if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
