Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
