Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
