a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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